A Difficult Step Towards Love, Forgiveness

Before you go ahead and read this article I do hope you take the time to read the previous post I wrote describing how closed off and numb we can be to the world. Although this post will discuss the first step you need to take on your journey, the former gives you an overview of your mind and psyche. If you read the previous post and decide that you are ready to hold responsibility for yourself and your emotions, then you may also be ready to embrace this step in the process. Forgiveness.

Why it’s hard

Because it isn’t always viewed as fair. It isn’t always seen as just. And believe it or not, people like holding grudges, they feel for some reason that it gives them power or control, when this opinion is simply not true. People build up reactions – to protect themselves from dealing with the pain – and merely react to a touchy topic whenever it comes up in conversation. Their reaction is their own form of defense they have learned to avoid the topic all together.

We don’t want to forgive when we don’t have to. 

You might have had an abusive father; you might have been raised by a mother who was a slave to her addictions, why do they deserve your forgiveness? You are absolutely justified in keeping your defenses up when it comes to the people who should have been there to protect you, but ended up hurting you the most. But think of it this way, you aren’t forgiving them for their sake, you are forgiving them for yours! If you have anger towards the two most important people in your life, then how can you really ever trust anyone else? If you are still harboring resentment for them, trust me, you are still harboring resentment for others and yourself!

So many people have resentment piled up within their soul, creating a complex system of defenses that even the tiniest comment or action can trigger. This resentment could have been from childhood, teenage years and early adulthood. If we don’t release it, we simply allow ourselves to become jaded, resentful, angry and stressed. If we harbor it long enough we will certainly see a troubling depression start to form as well. We are then allowing ourselves to become a victim to it.

What is forgiveness?

 

We all know what forgiveness is, but I believe that so many of us, including myself, have looked at, or still do look at forgiveness in a negative way and unhelpful way.Generally we are taught forgiving means forgetting. But this isn’t true at all. Nothing can make you forget how you have been hurt, nor should you deny the responsibility the other party had in hurting you. Instead I would like you to look at it as taking control of your own heart again. To move on in our life we have to take responsibility for it. It’s true that we cannot control how others chose to treat us, but we can control how we choose to look at it, and whether or not we dwell on the positive or negative in our lives. See, this power brings about a beautiful feeling of contentment, clarity, and positive energy. Releasing all the negative allows you to come into touch with your true light, your creativity, and your feelings of self-worth. 

Forgiveness will be the firm foundation blocks when building yourself up to be a person of great worth to the world. You always were a person of great worth, but somewhere along the way, you forgot this. I don’t blame you either. It’s easy to get buried in a sea of resentment, anger, and guilt, stifling your true self, and your true thoughts. However, constantly blaming your past or worrying about your future will certainly make sure you don’t get started off on the right foot now.

 

Let’s also get another thing straight about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a feeling! I see people struggling all the time because they tend to get mixed up with forgiveness and their feelings.

 “I have forgiven my boyfriend for cheating, but whenever I remember it, I just feel so upset and angry!”

Forgiveness is a doing word. You need to forgive! Release and then move on sister! Otherwise you are saying that you ‘feel forgiveness’ but you can’t feel forgiveness, you can only do it!

Another good point to add is there is NO such thing as getting even. I’m sorry if you are one of those people that harbor so much pain and resentment that you are choosing to put it back out into the world again for someone else to experience, but this is never going to fix your issue. Causing someone else pain because you were hurt, only acts as a temporary distraction. It doesn’t change the fact you were hurt at all, you were still hurt. You will also never be able to hurt someone else the way they hurt you, because you can only feel your own hurt. Choosing to get even only shows to others around you that you are not equipped to handle the issue emotionally, and frankly, it shows that you simply deserve to have it happen to you again, over and over, until you finally get kicked in the head hard enough and wake up to the reality. You have to change.

No-one else can seek the truth for you.

Lastly, it’s good to keep in mind as a vulnerable, emotional woman - that it is perfectly fine to put up boundaries. I’m not talking about defenses here. I am talking about boundaries; you can’t just let a stranger walk into your life, just like you have to be careful about letting someone who truly and deeply hurt you back into your life. After forgiving someone, they are not entitled to your trust. You are responsible for your emotions and feelings and if you are to be open and follow your heart you will know when someone is truly worthy of showing you they can win back your trust. Otherwise ladies, with peace of mind and clarity decide whether or not this person should be allowed to come back in at all (and be willing to stick to what you decide). If you are a caring, loving, and giving soul you cannot allow other people who haven’t found themselves to suck your energy, time and emotions. You must learn who is worthy to allow into your serene castle. To be able to give all you can to others, you must first protect your physical, emotional, and mental well-being, otherwise you are of no use to anyone.

Let go, take control, say goodbye

Benefits you can look forward to

Once all resentment has been ridden of, you will find yourself feeling much lighter, more present, and more receptive to people. A major benefit is that you will see people light up around you and feel free themselves. If you have problems with addictions such as over-eating, under eating, drugs, alcohol, nicotine, and abusive relationships, you will also slowly (with discipline of course) be able to see a decrease in your need to participate these harmful activities. Once you have mastered the art of forgiveness you will become a person who adds real value to people and any situation, a Princess! A feminine dream-boat! 

Please continue to allow yourself to feel once the process is complete. As we talked about in the previous post, hiding your emotions (to appear strong) and to trick yourself into feeling strong is only a lie and will only detriment you in the long run. If someone does something to hurt you, even if it is silly, acknowledge your emotion and decide what action to take. Don’t get angry or mad, remember we are beyond that. Simply breathe if that’s all that you need. Before choosing to feel upset, talk to the other person. So many times actions come across in the wrong way and are miss-understood, if we bring it up with the other party we have saved ourselves a day, a week, or a year of feeling resentful towards them for no reason! Don’t use weapons when you approach them either, such as yelling, passive-aggressiveness, ignoring the issue (acting like they should just get how you are feeling), name calling or guilt tripping either darling sister. 

Don’t lie to yourself anymore about how you feel, instead try to become a woman of love, faith, and self-confidence. Therefore you will be much more stable anyway. True self-confidence and radiance come from the inside. It comes from all that love you are going to feel when you choose to open up, shine, and give your gifts and help other people.

Forgiveness Exercise

Before we can move on to other techniques in bettering ourselves, physically and emotionally, It is very important we take time out to really feel all the anger and hurt people have brought into our life. There are many different exercises and forms of visualization used to release resentment. In a book I own about spiritual development, the writer was made to painstakingly dig up two thousand pebbles from the ground over a period of two days. Each time she dug up a pebble she was to think of a time she felt hurt by someone and cast it away into the river. Although her hands were bloody and raw by the end of the two days, she has a truly happy soul to show for it now. 

I’m not going to make you do that, fortunately for you.

But I am going to ask you to try and find a quiet 30 minutes to an hour in your day to lay, or sit with a notepad and pen. 

First of all draw up two columns, we are going to start with your mother and father. Sit and think of anything they have done to hurt you, write it down, then forgive them for it. Release the control they have over your emotions, and stop allowing yourself to feel negative. The more you write, the more your brain will come up with, as if trying to aid you in releasing anger. Don’t be shocked if times from your childhood that you haven’t thought of in years pop into your head.

If you are finding a particular issue extremely hard to forgive, that’s okay, take it easy on yourself, leave it written on your paper and continue on with what you can. Make it a priority to get to it as soon as you can though, as there is no reason for you to keep it locked up in your heart.

Continue the exercise with as many people you need to. But make sure to do it as thoroughly as you can. 

Then lastly, move onto yourself. 

You didn’t think I was going to allow you to get away with leaving yourself out did you? Your soul deserves to be forgiven for all the past wrongs you have done as well! Tell yourself you are a better person now, someone who chooses to act with love and try and look at your past mistakes and failures as lessons. Forgiving yourself may be the hardest thing you do. But trust me, it will be worth it. 

And remember, to be able to stay clear-minded with no troubling emotions affecting your decisions you need to keep this up. The best way is to be in touch with how people are making you feel so you can find the best way to deal with it.

Thanks for reading and I hope to you will come back for the next post, fresh, revitalized, clear-headed, and ready to immerse yourself in more self-development! 

"Truth is a demure lady, much too ladylike to knock you on your head and drag you to her cave. She is there, but people must want her, and seek her out" - William F. Buckley, Jr

 

The High Priestess Living

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